It does not take very long in walking the strait and narrow, that you encounter others walking the strait and narrow. In fact, most of us were originally attracted to Christianity out of love and dedication shown to us by others. This is a commendable trait and one we should employ. Peter brings this out throughout First Peter (1 Peter 1:22; 2:17; 3:18; 4:8; 5:14). However, sometimes we find ourselves at odds with our fellow brethren. What are we to do then? How should we navigate such cases? Our goal is to provide tips or strategies that will help each of us to fight fair.
Do not get HISTORICAL! The idea here is that we do not allow things from the past to creep into our current “fight”. You know the saying “let’s bury the hatchet”, as good intentioned as that statement is, what most often happens is we will bury the hatchet head and leave the handle protruding out of the ground so we can bring it back into the fight, at a moment's notice. This we cannot do. Bringing up the past, most often with loved ones, demonstrates we do not love like God wants us to love. Consider 1 John 4:20, “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar; for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” Paul would write in 1 Corinthians 13:5, that love “doeth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.” Deal with the offence that is present before you and leave offences from the past, in the past.
“Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” James 1:19. Many a fight would cease to exist if we simply followed God’s instruction. Most often, when we say we are listening, what we really mean is “I hear the words you are saying, but I am not really listening. I am already formulating my response based on what I think you are saying." This is a poor strategy to employ especially when dealing with a loved one. Furthermore, we need to be careful about what we say and the way we say it. The wise man Solomon would say, in Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (ESV). The idea of being “slow to speak” is that where we are almost reluctant to engage, not out of fear or being timid in the fact of conflict, but rather to show restraint and fully engage our brain before we lash out with the tongue.
Do not be hypocritical! Do not be like the Jewish Christians that Paul wrote to in Romans 2. These individuals were perfectly content to read Paul’s scathing rebuke of the gentiles, in chapter 1, by Paul says, hold on! “And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things, and doest the same, that thou shalt escape the judgment of God?” (Romans 2:3). Do not be so hasty, Paul suggests, in condemning others for the very same things you are guilty of doing. Jesus would warn in Matthew 7:1-5 that we must be careful in our judging of others because the same measure of judgment that we use on others will be used against us. We would do ourselves a great service in making sure we take care of how we live our lives, first.
Do not judge other people’s motives! A great deal of harm occurs, especially in the Lord’s church, when we think we know where someone is “coming from” but in fact, we were too hasty to come to judgment and we got it completely wrong. Jesus admonished his fellow Jews to “judge righteous judgment” (John 7:24). Do not judge on what the event or circumstances might be, but rather judge with all the facts. Who among us can honestly say, “I know what you are thinking”? Certainly, we would be fooling ourselves if we did, yet that is exactly how we treat one another, by jumping to conclusions without proof.
Fight honestly! We are not obligated to “get even." This happens most often when we are confronted by someone, whether justified or not, we feel the need to “give them a taste of their own medicine.” Paul would caution us in this response as he did the churches is Rome, (Romans 12:17). Engaging in verbal disputing does not authorize us to lie nor to be deceitful. Saying things like, “you never” or “you always” will not help you gain ground in a fight.
Have the mind of Christ! When we consider the context of Philippians 2:5, it encourages us to treat others the same way Jesus treated us, with compassion and love. David exemplified this very concept in his refusal to punish individuals who had done him wrong and yet David chose a different path.
Be humble! Consider a couple passages: James 4:10 and Proverbs 16:18. Prideful people want to win an argument at all costs. The Old Testament prophet includes walking humbly before God (Micah 6:8). In it, is a list of God’s requirements for mankind.
Be patient with people! Each person we encounter has a distinct personality. We have different tastes, backgrounds, experiences, and needs. “Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7:9).
“Do not let the sun go down upon your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26). Life is too short to stay bitter all the time. This does not mean to not sleep until everything is resolved. Rather, end our differences quickly, for everyone’s sake. Jesus encourages us that we need to resolve conflicts before we worship otherwise our sacrifice of worship is void (Matthew 5:23,24).
Have mercy and forgive! People are not perfect. We are called to reconcile. “Restore friendly relations with, to coexist in harmony." We must be a people of mercy
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